A colleague at LADO International College, where I teach part-time, told me about an intercambios that takes place at a cafe in Washington, DC called Dos Gringos. People meet there to talk in different languages, giving some members a chance to practice Spanish, for example, and then others a chance to practice English, everyone receiving equal time. The languages they currently cover are Spanish, French, Chinese, and Vietnamese, though I imagine people with other skills and interests should contact them too, since Washington is so rich in languages and curiosity.

According to the cafe’s website, such exchanges are popular in Latin America. If you know anything about this phenomenon, please tell me about it in a comment here.

I once did a language exchange with a Russian teacher, when I was working for Sprachstudio Lingua Nova in Munich. We met privately. She taught me Russian and I taught her English. I forget the exact details, but I believe we decided only to do one language per meeting, so as not to get confused. I have also seen two friends meet once per week and do one hour of German followed by one hour of French. Such exchanges might be less effective than a dedicated language course, but it is a good way to share resources, especially if your budget is small. Such exchanges can also supplement a language course. The trick is to have enough discipline to meet regularly and stay in the language being practiced for the time agreed to beforehand.

Irregular verbs present a great challenge for non-native speakers of English. Regular verbs would add an -Ed for both the simple past and the past participle. For instance, he cooks becomes he cooked or he has cooked. But many common verbs defy these rules, that is, are irregular. For example, eat becomes ate (past) or eaten (past participle).

He eats his breakfast every morning.
He ate breakfast yesterday.
He has already eaten breakfast today.

How is the non-native speaker supposed to know what to do? There are lists of irregular verbs online, though one must consult a dictionary
to be sure that there is not also a regular conjugation of the same verb. For example, to hang is usually conjugated with hung (past and past participle) in these lists, but if you are talking about hanging a person, the conjugation is regular, that is, hanged.

They hung the picture on the wall.
They hanged the traitor from the tallest tree they could find.

Some verbs also have both an irregular and a regular form of the past participle, but their meaning does not change.

He has sewed patches on the sails.
She has sewn two new blouses.

Three lists that I find useful are those offered by PBS, the Purdue University Writing Lab and Susan Jones (via Georgia State University), who also offers this general explanation of English verbs.

Many people who write think that the only writing tool available for their computer is Word, but there are other word processors. More to the point, there are other kinds of writing tools to help you collect and organize your thoughts. These include mind-mapping applications and outliners. There are also full-screen text editors that can help you to eliminate the many distractions that computers now offer, web applications for when you need to work on someone else’s computer or collaborate with users in different locations, and built-in and online dictionaries.

Choosing the right tools is essential to developing a good writing strategy. This means choosing tools that enhance your ability to think, organize, and write without getting in your way. You can find more information about such tools on my personal wiki. My focus has been on the Macintosh, which I used to write about for my now discontinued blog, On My Mac, but I include links to applications for Windows and other platforms where possible.

I do not teach creative writing, and rarely do I discuss the use of metaphors and similes in the expository essays I correct. Maybe that is why I do not often see strange metaphors and similes in student work. Maybe English teachers live more dangerously than I do. Have a look at this list of bad metaphors and similes, which was supposedly derived from a contest of submissions by English teachers. Unfortunately the person who posted the list did not link to any information about the contest, and I have been unable to verify the context. The list has been making the rounds on other sites, both with and without the identical text about a contest. I doubt teachers would get away with poking fun at their students in this way, but never mind. It is still funny, even if it smells a little like one of those stale emails forwarded to you by the parents and grandparents of everyone in your address book.

Here are three of the twenty-five in no particular order:

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

Here is the first episode of the British sitcom, Mind Your Language, a show about a class full of non-native speakers learning English. The show is divided into three clips.

This episode is called “The First Lesson.” By today’s standards the show is politically incorrect, insofar as it uses some gender and a lot of national stereotypes to make its points. The students are Greek, German, Japanese, Italian, Pakistani, Indian, Spanish, French, and Chinese. Because this episode first aired on Dec. 30, 1977, I am prepared to cut it some slack and simply enjoy the comedy in it. I invite you to do the same. Nonetheless, it is also interesting to reflect on how far multicultural Western societies have come since the 1970s, when such issues were first making their appearance in mainstream sitcoms. On the other hand, the one bad joke about unemployment benefits is still a nasty stereotype among those who would blame immigrants for all of society’s ills.

The show gets at least one stereotype completely wrong. It has the Chinese student mixing up her Rs with her Ls, which is a common enough mistake among native Japanese and Thai speakers, but not something I have heard any Mandarin speaker do. Most of the language and pronunciation jokes are still funny. In one of the early ones, Ali says to Miss Courtney, “Squeeze me, please.” Of course, he meant, “Excuse me please.” It is also funny to see the native English speakers unwittingly adopting some of these mistakes.

I have taught English to non-native speakers, and I have learned German as a foreign language, so I can sympathize with both sides of the story, and each is funny. Imagine the mixups that Japanese can have when “pray” becomes “play” or when someone from Brazil wants to know where the “beach” is, but says this word with a short I, that is, “bitch.” Of course, I’ve had my fair share of gaffes in German, one time saying “küssen” (to kiss) when I meant “wechseln” (to give change for [money] or to exchange [foreign currency]). And these two verbs don’t even look or sound alike!

So have a look and enjoy. Perhaps afterwards you might share some of your own experiences in a comment below.

Hat tip: I never would have known about this series, were it not for Frank, a British comedy enthusiast on YouTube.

Looking back, I am surprised at how easy it was for me to get through high school and many college courses without knowing a lot of basic vocabulary related to English grammar. I knew English grammar intuitively, and I could write, but I could not talk about grammar. I am lucky I knew enough intuitively, for this weakness could have become a real handicap for me in my studies.

In fact, it did become a weakness in one subject: Russian. We had to take a foreign language at Dartmouth College, and I fulfilled the requirement with Russian. But I was horrible. I do not believe that I ever rose above a C+. Part of the problem was study habits and discipline, but much of it related to my lack of appreciation of the nature of grammar. The professors used terms like genitive case, dative case, direct object, personal pronoun, possessive pronoun, conjugate, and decline, and it seemed like I had to devote too much energy to understanding that vocabulary and the things it indicated instead of learning Russian. Or I missed points entirely because I did not recognize their significance.

I only appreciated this dilemma later, after I took a break from Dartmouth and came back. During my time away I was in the army and stationed in Germany, where I learned to get by with rudimentary German. Upon returning to Dartmouth I decided I would like to learn German properly. My experience was enhanced considerably by a practical little book by Cecile Zorach entitled English Grammar for Students of German. It explained the way English grammar worked for certain situations and then compared it to German. It was through these comparisons that I began to gain an appreciation of the mechanics of English grammar and a vocabulary with which to talk about it. This knowledge later served me well when I found myself in Munich teaching English to Germans. Of course, the learning process never ended.

In this new series, I intend to share basic vocabulary of grammar so that I can use it when trying to explain various things. For example, today I actually wanted to write about the correct and incorrect usage of who and whom, but I found myself talking about direct and indirect objects, and I realized I had to lay a little groundwork first. This is the beginning.

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By the way, English Grammar for Students of German is part of a series that also includes titles for students of Arabic, French, Italian, Latin, and Russian. To learn more, visit the Language for You Bookstore via the books page here.

If you are unsure about how to use a semicolon, have a look at Gary Olson’s Punctuation Made Simple, which points to two major scenarios: (1) the semi-colon as a connector of two sentences, (2) the semi-colon as a “supercomma.” Purdue University’s Writing Lab addresses the first scenario in a useful comparison of the semicolon and comma in compound sentences. Besides serving as a connector of two independent clauses (otherwise known as sentences), the semicolon helps connect such sentences using a conjunctive adverb such as however or nevertheless. The examples on these two websites are good, so I won’t provide any of my own. Once you think you understand, have a look at the somewhat more detailed semicolon chart offered by the Writing Center at the University of Wisconsin.

Related post: Commas

Do you know a beginner in English or a child just learning the alphabet? Here is a fantastic 1970s jazz version of the alphabet from Sesame Street:

Or perhaps you would prefer a calming version for your child or yourself at night? Here’s another 1970s clip from Sesame Street:

Even more advanced students of English sometimes forget to learn how to say the alphabet. Do they really need it? I think so. Sometimes people on the phone ask me how to spell my name or street address. Without the alphabet I’d be in trouble.

allude / elude

Allude and elude are both verbs. They sound similar, though not identical, but their meanings are different. If you click on the previous links, you will find yourself at each definition at Merriam-Webster, a venerable American dictionary of English. Besides definitions and written pronunciation descriptions, this dictionary offers audio files for most entries. Click on the little red speaker next to a word to hear a North American say the word aloud. This feature is especially useful for words we confuse with others and for big words that we only know through reading, but have never heard anyone say before. This situation happens to me all the time when I read history.

The dictionary also shows you how to use each word, though I wish the examples were more extensive. That’s the main reason I still recommend that people buy a suitable dictionary for that purpose. There, are, however, other online options. Two I recommend are the Cambridge Dictionary of American English and the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary. Or you could get links to a whole bunch of different dictionary definitions at the same time using OneLook. The links appear on the left and a few “quick definitions” appear in a box on the right. The option to view several definitions can come in handy for words that are particularly difficult to understand. It can also help you find out which online dictionaries work best for you. You might want to be cautious of the quick definitions, though, since users can also add them.

By now I hope you have looked up both allude and elude, if you were not completely sure about their difference. If so, then you will appreciate why someone cannot write about how a text eludes to an event in the past. Such a statement makes no sense. Elude means escape or avoid, and it does not use the preposition to. Instead we can write about how a text alludes to something in the past, that is, how it refers indirectly to that thing.

Here’s a good example of allude that I found on USA Today by googling the phrase “Obama alluded” with quotation marks:

Obama alluded to his historic status as the nation’s first black nominee of a major party during his appearance here, telling the audience that “I’m proud of America for giving me this opportunity because obviously we all know it’s a sign of enormous growth in this country.”

He referred to his unique achievement as the first presumptive African-American nominee of the Democratic or Republican party, but without coming out and saying so directly.

And here’s an example of elude: “Killer eluded police with fake names.”

Finally, here’s a more idiomatic usage of elude: Please don’t allow the differences in meaning between words that sound similar elude you. Use a dictionary. (And read this blog.)

Related post: Fighting Poor English Usage lists my other shorter posts on specific words, and it points to a related blog’s posts on confusing word pairs.

Here’s a funny Monty Python sketch about words. It includes a few “naughty words” too, so don’t say I didn’t warn you. You might also want to read the transcript.

Whenever I run across words that people mix up with other words, I try to explain the problem. This effort has led to posts on the following words:

• between / among,  many / much,  fewer / less
• effect / affect
• en masse,  saddest / sadist
• statute / statue,  tenet / tenant

I plan do more such posts as opportunity offers, but I would like to point out a blog that offers a whole lot of posts about other words, One Step Forward by Legbamel, whose voice makes her writing a pleasure to read. Here is a sampling of recent words covered:

• adverse / averse
• alternate / alternative
• dually / duly
• moot / mute
• per se
• pore / pour

My only complaint? The blog has no proper index of words covered. This weakness might be due to the blog’s strength. She’s covered so many of them that listing them might break the blog’s category system.

Sometimes I encounter students from other countries who are not familiar with the basic ingredients that every essay for high school, college, and graduate school must contain. This article is aimed at such people, though it might prove helpful to native speakers as well. Due to time constraints, however, the information is bare bones with no concrete examples. To compensate for this weakness somewhat, I have linked to further resources at the end of the article.

The basic building block of any essay is the paragraph, which itself requires specific ingredients:

• Transition sentence — With the exception of the first paragraph in your essay, each paragraph will need a transition sentence that moves the reader from the topic of the previous paragraph to the topic of the new one. This transition sentence might act only as an introduction to the paragraph, but it might also serve as the topic sentence.
• Topic sentence — The topic sentence states clearly what the paragraph is about. It might also function as the transition sentence.
• Sentences that develop the topic — You need sentences that develop the main idea of the topic sentence by expanding on that specific point with clarifying statements and specific evidence. Each paragraph will usually contain several of these sentences. When you write them, make sure each one builds clearly on the previous one without repeating information unnecessarily.
• Concluding sentence — Paragraphs usually also require a concluding sentence to tie everything together. The more complex your paragraph, the more likely such a sentence will be necessary to help your readers understand your argument.

After you write these paragraphs, it is important to see if they are in an order that makes sense. You can test your paper’s organization by printing it out and highlighting the topic sentences. If you read only these topic sentences, your paper should make sense. If it doesn’t, think about what paragraphs you might need to add or how you could reorganize the ones you have.

Your essay also requires specific kinds of paragraphs in the following order:

• Introduction — Your introduction must come right to the point and tell your reader about the topic and scope of your essay. This paragraph will also include a thesis statement, that is, a sentence that states the core idea or main argument of your essay. (It can be difficult to write a topic sentence for your first draft, but after you have finished the whole essay, go back and rewrite the topic sentence.)
• Body paragraphs — You will probably have three or more body paragraphs in which you develop the idea set out in your introduction. Each one will address a key idea stated in a topic sentence and developed with specific evidence in additional sentences.
• Conclusion — This is your last paragraph. Use it to tell your reader what your essay has demonstrated. Under no circumstances should you use it to begin a new topic or introduce additional evidence.

There are many different kinds of essays, each with specific requirements. It is up to you to learn what your professor’s expectations are before writing the paper. When in doubt, ask. No matter what kind of essay you write, however, it must always contain the above ingredients.

Additional Considerations

When you write your essay, you are allowed to assume that your reader is intelligent, but you must also assume that he knows nothing about the topic. Include enough background information to make your essay understandable not only to your professor, but also to someone outside of the class.

This article assumes that you know how to write English without making a lot of mistakes. Since everyone makes mistakes, however, I have written several posts about proofreading. See also the posts about the differences between informal and formal English prose, especially “Contractions” and “Using ‘I’ and ‘You’ in Academic Prose”. Keep in mind too that knowing the right word and using it are two different things. Remember to use your dictionary not only to find words and definitions, but also for information about how to use words. Finally, see the Books page of this blog for links to further resources.

Besides using these resources, you should see if your university or school has any writing tutors. Such tutors are not there to proofread your work, but rather to help you master the mechanics of writing. Each university I teach at has such tutors at a “writing center.” To use their services, you must make an appointment in advance and then plan on focussing on specific issues that are causing you trouble.

Useful Links

• George Mason University Writing Center
• Georgetown University Writing Center
• English Works! Writing: Essays
• Essay Writing
• Guide to Writing a Basic Essay

Claire Pitt posted a funny piece on her blog yesterday about a variety of ways in which the English in her part of that country use the word pants. Head on over to “I’m going to confuse the pants off you” to learn English as you will never hear this North American speak it.

My tongue and ears sometimes operate independently of my brain. It happened again today after I walked to Georgetown. Before thinking about the office, I went straight to Uncommon Grounds and ordered an iced coffee with a shot of espresso in it. The woman who took my order would have made what she heard me order, an iced tea with a shot of espresso, had not her coworker decided to check if that was what I really wanted.

I would normally have assumed that she made the mistake, only this has happened to me before, though luckily without the shot of espresso. I ordered iced coffee and got iced tea. Maybe one of the workers was careless, but I’ve decided that when I say iced anything, my tongue does what it wants and says iced tea. Meanwhile my ears hear what I want to say, not what I say.

I blame the heat and humidity. I might be a tad dotty, but I’m too young to be going doddery.

What about you? Have you noticed your mouth saying something different from what your brain told it to say?

A fellow blogger has suggested an excellent resource for people who have trouble with commas. (And who doesn’t make the occasional comma mistake?) Rules for Comma Usage has explanations, exercises, and quizzes. It also contains some amusing quotes.

Update: Legbamel offers several blog posts on commas over at One Step Forward. I’ll add any other relevant links I find to a comment for this post.

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Hat tip for the first link: Pointless Banter (not safe for children or people offended by poor taste)

Have you ever looked up the word this in your dictionary? If you do, you will find it appear as both a pronoun and adjective. As a general rule, it is better not to treat this word as a pronoun in formal prose, though it is perfectly natural to do so in everyday spoken and written English. Why? I blame whatever old edition of Fowler’s Modern English Usage that my dissertation advisor used; however, any faults in the following examples are my own.

Casual spoken usage
We do not usually use the word this as a pronoun in formal English, though we do not make a fuss about such things in everyday speech. This will surprise none of you.

Formal written usage
While we frequently use the word this as a pronoun in informal English, we should avoid doing so in formal prose. Instead we should treat it as an adjective that modifies a noun. This fact might surprise many of you.

Another correct way to use this little word
This is my favorite blog. Notice how this in the previous sentence only seems to be standing alone as a pronoun, but it is really modifying a noun. This fact becomes apparent when I rearrange the order of the words without changing their meaning. This blog is my favorite. I suspect some might disagree with my explanation here. Be that as it may, both sentences are acceptable in formal English prose.

When this multiplies
By the way, do you know the plural of this? Well do you? I might be repeating myself, but now I can refer to these questions. Sorry, but these were the best examples I could come up with this evening.

George Carlin died yesterday. Here is some standup comedy he did on “soft language.” The mention of “freedom fighters” in it makes me think of the Reagan administration in the 1980s, a time when soft language—otherwise known as political correctness—was really taking hold in this country. Be warned. His mouth isn’t always clean. We are, after all, talking about George Carlin.

effect / affect — The primary meanings of these two words are similar, but effect is a noun and affect is a verb. They are not interchangeable. If she makes your heart race, we could say she affects your pulse or has a powerful effect on you. The declining value of the U.S. dollar affects the price of oil, which means that one of the effects of the low value of the dollar is the rising cost of oil. Another effect could be an increase in your blood pressure. If you don’t want the value of the dollar and the cost of oil to affect you as much, take a nice walk, which will have a positive effect on your health too.

I did a guest post called “Do You Link to Your Sources?” over on BlogCatalog’s blog. I aimed it at people who write for an internet audience, but it might also be useful to people who read on the internet, because it could encourage you to be skeptical of articles that do not cite their sources when they should.

I wrote a brief piece about appeasement on my history blog, Clio and Me. I mention it here, because President Bush is using a word with a specific historical meaning for political criticisms that have nothing to do with that meaning. I find this abuse of history and language unconscionable. Why not use honest words in foreign policy debates?